Understanding Forgiveness: Navigating the Challenges Faced by Christians
- Madisen Keener
- Apr 24, 2025
- 7 min read
Forgiveness can be one of the toughest challenges for Christians on their spiritual path. While Jesus's teachings on forgiveness are clear, living them out can feel overwhelming. This post looks at why forgiveness is so hard, why it's important, and offers practical steps to embrace this essential part of our faith.
The Biblical Foundation of Forgiveness:
Forgiveness is a cornerstone of Christian teachings. The Bible stresses its importance. For example, in Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus emphasizes that if we forgive others their wrongdoings, God will forgive us as well. Just as the Lord's Pray states, "forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us". To be like Christ is to forgive others even if they trespass against us. This connection between divine and human forgiveness highlights how crucial it is to let go of our grudges.
There was a sermon I was listening to the other day that brought up the parable of the unforgiving debtor in Matthew 18:21-35 paints a vivid picture. A debtor, forgiven a huge debt—equivalent to millions today—fails to forgive a small debt owed to him. His failure leads to severe consequences. This story serves as a wake-up call about the dangers of holding onto unforgiveness. Jesus tells us that we must forgive seven times seventy. At first I didn't really understand because I was thinking literal and solving a math equation. However, looking deeper, seven time seventy just means it's a lot. So as a Christians, we should forgive others - a lot. All the time. There is unlimited amount of times we should forgive.
Common Challenges in Forgiving Others
Even with clear biblical directives, practicing forgiveness can be difficult. One major hurdle is the emotional pain of being wronged. When someone hurts us, feelings of sadness, betrayal, and anger naturally arise. This emotional turmoil makes it challenging to forgive, often leaving us feeling resentful.
Another common misconception is that forgiving means excusing bad behavior or overlooking the offense. In truth, forgiveness does not lessen the wrongdoing but frees us from bitterness. Misunderstanding this can create an internal battle, complicating the act of forgiveness.
My Experiences With Forgiveness:
To forgive like Jesus is to forgive and forget. To erase what was done. I found that hard to do in my past experience, but with The Lord's help I was able to overcome each experience. By his love and strength, I was able to forgive others who has hurt me or wronged me.
Forgiving someone close to you can be challenging, and it certainly was for me. When I was twelve, an event occurred that I chose not to share with anyone—not my family, friends, or even past partners. As a result, I kept it a secret for fifteen years. I wanted to forget, but not forgive. Initially, I thought I was doing well with the forgetting part, but two years ago, something inside me was triggered, forcing me to confront it once and for all. In 2023, I felt a strong spiritual push to forgive others. After gathering enough courage to discuss it with my parents and eventually my husband, I found peace. I finally spoke to the person involved and verbally expressed my forgiveness.
Heartbreak isn't any easier. In most of my past relationships, I managed to forgive and forget, but the one that was difficult to forgive involved my college ex. The four years of habits we formed and enjoyed together lingered even after the breakup. Naturally, I was angry and upset. How could someone so close to me encourage me to stray in various ways? It wasn't until I visited my Nana and confided in her about the things I felt ashamed and guilty about. I was angry with myself and with this person. I learned that to move forward, I needed to seek forgiveness from God, forgive myself, and forgive my ex. It was indeed challenging to "forgive and forget" what happened in that relationship, but since the end of 2020, I have been able to forgive myself and my ex.
Finally, work relationships can be equally challenging. Often, you spend more time with colleagues than with your family, which was certainly my experience in 2022-2023. Everything was fine until it wasn't. False accusations about my work ethic were reported to upper management, despite my daily efforts to improve. Discovering this without being approached first was infuriating. A much older colleague was behaving immaturely, which angered me to the point where I wished for her to make mistakes or face consequences. The situation was particularly frustrating because I usually give 110% effort at work, but now pushing to 210% was aggravating. It was difficult to forgive her for making false statements and facing no repercussions. I found myself praying to God for the strength to forgive her and to change my heart. Holding a grudge brings out the worst in me. It wasn't until the end of March 2023 that I managed to forgive this collegue. Although forgiveness remains a challenge for me, I strive to keep God at the center of my focus.
While the memories remain, I find myself feeling more at peace with each experience. All my past experiences that turned my anger into forgiveness were gifts from God. As a human and sinner, I wouldn't have been able to forgive others so easily without the Holy Spirit influencing my heart and the guidance of the word.
The Spiritual Benefits of Forgiveness
Despite these hurdles, forgiveness brings significant spiritual benefits. It is not merely an act of kindness towards others; it also heals our spirits. Holding onto anger can lead to stress, anxiety, and a burdened relationship with God.
When we forgive, we invite God's grace into our lives, completing the circle of divine forgiveness. Studies have shown that people who practice forgiveness often report a 50% reduction in anxiety symptoms and a boost in overall happiness.
Moreover, extending forgiveness strengthens our relationships and builds a sense of community. An environment rooted in forgiveness encourages love, acceptance, and respect, allowing healthy relationships to thrive.
Practical Steps to Embrace Forgiveness
Forgiveness can feel daunting, but there are practical steps Christians can follow to make it easier.
1. Pray for Strength and Understanding
Begin with prayer. Ask God for guidance and strength to forgive. Acknowledge your feelings, and request help in letting go of anger. Prayer can shift your perspective, offering the support you need to take the first steps toward forgiveness.
2. Reflect on Your Own Need for Forgiveness
Consider your own imperfections and the forgiveness you have received from God. Reflecting on your need for grace fosters empathy towards those who have hurt you, making it easier to forgive.
I constantly remind myself to extend grace. If God can extend mercy and grace to me, I should do the same. We should aim to emulate Christ, and even though we will never fully achieve that, it is something to practice daily. (Believe me, I often fall short, but I strive to improve each day).
3. Take Small Steps
Forgiveness doesn't have to occur immediately. Begin by opening your heart to the possibility of forgiveness or by speaking kindly about the person who caused you pain. Gradually taking these small steps can make the journey seem less overwhelming. Believe me when I say that 2023 was truly the year of forgiveness for me. The experiences I went through didn't resolve in a day, a week, or even a month. It took several months to achieve forgiveness. We're all different and we all forgive at our own pace. A pastor I was listening to on YouTube stated this phrase that has stayed with me, "Go the pace of grace".
4. Seek Support from Others
Discuss your feelings with trusted friends, family, or a church leader. Sharing your difficulties can offer encouragement and perspective. Learning how others have managed forgiveness can make you feel less isolated. I frequently turn to my grandparents or parents for their wisdom, which has been so valuable in helping me overcome challenges related to forgiveness.
5. Focus on the Positive Outcomes
While striving for forgiveness, picture the advantages it brings. Envision how letting go of resentment might result in increased peace and better relationships. Remembering these positive outcomes can inspire you during the journey. A phrase I often include in my prayers before heading to work is, "Lord, I ask for your help to maintain a calm spirit, a kind heart, and a positive attitude." Although I sometimes fall short, this practice has aided me in visualizing and releasing any resentment I hold towards myself or others.
Other forms of focusing on positive outcomes is listening to Christian music. Every time I think of the word "forgiveness", I instantly think of the song "Forgiveness", by Matthew West. The lyrics portray how I feeling in that moment of needing to forgive.
"It's the hardest thing to give away,
and the last thing on my mind today.
It always goes to those that don't deserve
It's the opposite of how I feel,
When the pain they caused is just to real.
It take everything you have to just say the word,
Forgiveness".
Leading to the Chorus, I imagine God is hearing me plea for help in the challenging area of forgiveness.
"Show me how to love the unlovable,
Show me how to reach the unreachable.
Help me now to do the impossible,
Forgiveness."
Forgiveness as a Lifelong Journey
Forgiveness is often not a one-time act but a lifelong journey. It involves ups and downs, with both successes and setbacks. This is a natural part of the process. Just as waves return to shore, emotions can resurface, prompting us to revisit our commitment to forgiveness.
In ongoing situations like complicated family dynamics or repeated offenses, one may need to forgive multiple times. Approach each instance with patience and self-compassion, recognizing that forgiveness evolves over time. Remember Matthew 18:21-22, we are called to forgive seven times seventy.
Embracing the Journey of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is one of the most profound challenges for Christians. While the teachings are clear, living out those teachings can be complex and challenging. By understanding what forgiveness truly means, acknowledging the obstacles we face, and using practical steps, Christians can embark on a transformative journey toward healing.
As you navigate this path, remember, forgiveness is not just about the person who wronged you; it is also about receiving the love and grace that God has given you. Embrace the journey of forgiveness, and you may find that the rewards are life-changing—for both you and your community.
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