How I Found Love and Faith: My Journey to a Happy Marriage with a Man of God

Finding love can feel like a rollercoaster ride, filled with highs and lows that shape who you are. My journey to a happy marriage was anything but a straight path; rather, it was a winding road lined with lessons learned from my dating experiences. As I explored different relationships, my understanding of what it meant to seek in a “man of God” transformed. I want to share my story, reflect on my changing perspective, and highlight the key qualities that I believe are essential in building a lasting partnership based on faith.

The Early Days of Dating: A Search for Connection

Entering the dating scene filled me with both excitement and anxiety. Like many teenage girls, my "plan" was to discover my "person" or "the one," much like how my parents found each other. They were high school sweethearts and are celebrating 32 years of marriage this year. I have amazing parents who love each other and exemplify a faithful marriage. However, as a teenager, I was focused on finding someone who liked me and could possibly be my high school sweetheart. This mindset led me to question my worth, beauty, and even my sanity to some extent. Although I knew I was beautiful, I longed to hear it from a guy who wasn't my dad or a family member. I grew up watching TV shows where high school girls had boyfriends, excelled in sports and academics, and led happy lives. I followed boy bands like One Direction, Big Time Rush, and The Vamps, fantasizing about dating one of them. It was a bit silly, but I wanted that experience so much that I didn't include God in any of my "plans." I compartmentalized Him in my heart, only seeking Him when it was convenient. As Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord." However, my view of dating didn't align with God.

Before I began college, I met a guy at a week-long church event called NYC (Nazarene Youth Conference). I was eager to connect with people from across the nation and Canada and embrace what God had planned for the week, yet I also hoped to find someone who could be "my person." This guy and I dated for about four years. In hindsight, we both probably agree that we should have heeded our parents' advice and avoided dating as we started college. But of course, we didn't, because if I wasn't going to let God control "my plans," why would I allow my parents to dictate them? During that relationship, I did things I'm not proud of. I lied to him about many things, engaged in premarital sex, being introduce to porn and watching it, and tried to make the relationship fit the ideal I had always imagined. Having sex before marriage was my biggest regret. I had always promised myself I would wait until marriage. I thought I had found "my person" to the extent that I convinced myself there was no reason to wait. Each time it happened, I felt guilt and shame. I knew it was wrong, but I didn't want to lose the memories and the bond I had with him. It wasn't until February 14th, 2019 that I looked in the mirror and couldn't recognize myself. My Christian values no longer defined me. It felt as though I had strayed so far from God that I had to seriously ask myself if I was willing to settle and continue feeling this way.

Yet, it quickly became clear that the relationship I was in was not enough for a lasting relationship. It seemed that negative influences distorted my perception of dating and my role within the relationship. I started to ask myself: Was I looking for someone to enjoy the good times with, or was I searching for a deeper bond built on Christian values and beliefs?

A Shift in Perspective: The More You Are Closer to God, The More Attractive You Become:

After ending a four-year relationship with that guy in July 2020, I took time to reflect on my past relationships and sought God's forgiveness for my actions and behavior towards Him. During this journey, I began to understand the essential role faith plays in a relationship. My mom always said, "the closer you are to God, the more attractive you become." By shifting from turning away from God to turning towards Him, I was able to discover myself, forgive myself, forgive the guy (even though he may not know), and grow closer to God. The picture below is a diagram similar to the one I saved on my phone to remind me of what my mom always told me.

Understanding the Qualities of a Godly Partner

As I deepened my faith, I gained insight into the qualities I valued in a “man of God.” Here are the key traits I found essential that drew me closer to a Godly partner:

1. A Solid Relationship with God

A strong relationship with God serves as the bedrock for any man of faith. I needed a partner who shared my beliefs and demonstrated them through regular prayer and worship. This spiritual connection allowed us to grow together in our relationship with God.

For example, couples who pray together experience a 47% increase in relationship satisfaction, highlighting the significance of spiritual partnership. When I met my husband, the most meaningful gesture he made was sending me a verse each night and sharing his reflections on it. Occasionally, he would include a prayer request or inform me that he was praying for me. This act distinguished him and showed me that he desired to grow in his faith and nurture our shared spiritual journey.

2. Integrity and Honesty

Integrity and honesty were essential to me. I discovered that genuine character is revealed in how one respects others, even when unobserved. Being open with each other fosters trust, a crucial element for love to flourish. My husband and I aren't perfect; we have moments of disagreement and occasionally say things we don't mean. However, after some reflection, we remain honest with ourselves. We examine the issue together, solve it together, and address the areas we both need to improve on together.

3. Supportive and Encouraging

It has become more important to have a partner who supports my dreams and aspirations. A great partner should uplift and inspire, having faith in my potential and aiding my personal development. One of the many reasons I love my husband is his encouragement and belief in me, regardless of the goals I pursue. Whether it's a fitness journey, my spiritual growth with God, or navigating work life, he offers support and encouragement, which I deeply value and admire.

Finding “The One”: Our Love Story

How did I meet my husband? It began when my roommate mentioned an app called Bumble, noting that her advisor had met her husband there. I created my profile, setting the distance to just 30 miles. Somehow, my husband, who was in Missouri, appeared within that range. The phrase "be patient" was all I could think of. As we began talking, our first in-person meeting was during Thanksgiving in my hometown, where he met my family, and we started dating. Our first year was long-distance, but God had a plan. My internship was an hour away from him, allowing us to strengthen our relationship. God truly works in mysterious ways. My husband's job required him to move to a town near my hometown, bringing us closer. From 2020 to 2023, our relationship flourished, with faith as our foundation. On August 13th, 2023, my husband took me on my dream date (a shooting star date) and proposed to me.

Embracing Love and Faith

Today, I am happily married to the man that God intended for me, whom I once imagined. My journey of trusting God and embracing love taught me valuable lessons and guided me to trust God, allowing Him to bring me a husband who truly connects with my heart.

If you're looking for love, consider what is truly important. Look for a partner who shares your faith, values, and life goals. Keep in mind that focusing on God will lead the right person to you. Love is not just companionship; it also promotes spiritual growth and a common purpose. By embracing both love and faith, I discovered a happy marriage and hope my story inspires others to chase the same dream.

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